You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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