i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
