glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
