dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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