I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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