im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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