New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
