Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
