so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
