Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
