my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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