i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
