Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
