sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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