Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
