Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
