I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My hand turned me down
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives