Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.