Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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