$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
