weddingsv make me drug and hornr
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
