she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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