whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
