I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
