girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
