I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
