I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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