READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
