he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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