Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
