I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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