sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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