yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
