Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Every concussion has its silver lining
Watching her eat just hurts me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
