why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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