I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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