I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
