I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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