I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
