i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
