How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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