girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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