I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
