He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
