you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
