I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
