I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
