Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
