It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
