Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
