Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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