the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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