We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
tell me about the eggs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize