Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
