He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
