if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
