My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
