I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
