Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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