I bet he comes in French.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
