my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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