The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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