I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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