That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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