its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
