when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
