last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
