drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
