I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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