Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
love makes seman taste better
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
