Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
