You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
