I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
