Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
