sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
