I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
