And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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