Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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