Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
