By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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